how long will you cheat yourself

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What life means to me?

To be honest I don’t know otherwise I would have achieved it in last 26 years. But I have vague idea what it is not.
It is not about passing time. You think you are passing time but in reality time is passing you. World is moving on and you remain there. But, world for everyone is different thing. But still it’s moving too fast isn’t it? In geographical sense also.
You get unknown amount time to visit this place called earth and the moment your time gets over you will be thrown out without any hesitation. Irrespective of class, caste, religion, race, sex, location, status you get the same treatment. Alas, there is one thing in world which treats everyone equally. Communists and Socialists can find solace in it.
Tough question I used to ask before. Why am I here on this planet? Am I just a by product of action of my parents or is there any specific purpose of my being on this planet. After a while I stopped asking this question. Because I realized that it’s you who has to make a call. Make it meaningful, purposeful, eventful. It’s you who is the king of your own destination, your own present and in turn mostly your future. Well why mostly? Let’s discuss it later.
For me life is a journey. Say train journey. Destination is fixed. Death. Path you don’t know. Co-passengers you can’t choose. Who will get on and who will get down you can’t choose. You may feel that life is steady but its not. Journey may not be jerky but that doesn’t mean that it’s not moving. It depends how far you can see. If you only see who is seating next to you, you may not feel much difference. You will feel when that person gets down and bid good bye or change compartment or station or train itself. But if you see closely its ever changing. The one who was standing and struggling initially may be sitting comfortably. The one who was sitting comfortably had to change train and now he is struggling. There are few who come with reservation. But of course they can move up higher in order only if they want to do it.
And for most of us life is like journey no idea about path, stoppages, diversions, or anything. We just follow our co-passengers. If they give GRE we give GRE. If they say MBA is good we go for MBA. If elder person says this is good we go for that one. But does elderly means bigger vision and better understanding of train system? Better understanding of your vision? Are we going on the path of our choice or going on path which someone has carved for us, someone has thought it is good for us or we are in rat race competing fiercely but doesn’t know why we are competing.
Money never attracted me in a big way. I can't say money doesn't attract me. But I have never persued dream of being billionaire. I have dreamed of it. But I didnt find it attractive enough. Because it cant be a goal. Money cant be an end it has to be a by product of your effort. We must enjoy our work, effort, hardship.

But still we think if we have car, house and high paying job we will be happy. We think if we will have pretty girl friend to freak out and envy our friends we will be happy. We think if we settle in west we will be happy. We go for movie to find happiness, fun. We go for dinner to find happiness. We do many other things. But are we really happy? Can complete and ever lasting happiness be attained? What do you think of this life? For me its just survival. Comfortable survival. It’s meaningless. It doesn’t matter whether I eat in the best hotel in the town or at road side dhaba. What matters is was food tasty? For me it doesn’t matter whether I’m in US or in India. Frankly I want to be in India. Because I feel I’m Indian. I cannot think of not being an Indian. Have we born to be just comfortable survivors?
What difference does it make? If you die today or tomorrow or 10 years later. What difference does it make to the world if you have 1 car, or motor cycle or 100 cars? Can you think beyond your own lunch, your own cloth, your sleep, your house, your toilet and your stomach! Even in a small way. Not mere tokenism but in a real constructive way. Can you? Do you? Will you? Come on. Did you leave some mark on the stone call history with the chisel called life is what matters. Your mark may be erased with time. Not every mark is as ever lasting as that of Buddha, Christ, Mohammed and Gandhi. But did you make any positive impact? Were you a liability or an asset? Did you construct something or destruct? Were you beneficial for the humanity or harmful? In my opinion it doesn’t matter at what level you play. It doesn’t matter whether your contribution is recognized immediately or not. What matters is are we human or just another insensitive yet socializing, talkative yet cunning, polite yet selfish mammals. Or are we just an economic entity in this commercialized world that earns, spends, pays taxes and generates revenue. Or are we just one in the mob? Who are we? Life is moving too fast but is there anything steady in us. Values? Beliefs? Commitments? That too is too flexible. World is too fast. Too fast than a villager like me can digest where yesterday’s big event is today’s no story. But still can we be steady yet moving, changing yet familiar. Same yet improved. Growing yet flourishing. Can it be possible? Or am I just dreaming at midnight? Sometimes it’s better to stop somewhere. So let me also stop.
I will find the rhythm of life to enjoy it. Are you also searching for it? Or the rarest breed who have chosen their path for journey. I envy you in that case.